The Daystar Effect (Part One)

Prologue: I Farted a MonsterEdit

The van's sixty-five years old. On a good day the smell of dying chipmunks and coffee from Fred Flinstone's day is only noticeable if you're on the outside, the curses in random languages that some tool painted on the outside seem faded, and the neon green dog piss that coats the tires is just a few specks.

This is not a good day.?

While Calky works on the engine, Abe's eyes research the job request while the rest of him hands Calky his hands, Slendy and I go through the weapon inventory, trying to find any kind of kaboom that will help against a monster that supposedly has junk for teeth.

Slendy's not good with conversation, which is excellent because I'm not either. I'm even telling you THIS, Mr. PsychoanalystIthinkImsoImportantTohaveatitlethatdoesntmeancrap, because I know that you won't believe a darn word I'm saying, so I can fire away.

Yes, that's correct. I work with a sentient calculator, a reanimated former President of the United States, and the Slenderman. Believe me? Of course you don't. You wouldn't believe me even if my friends came in right now and launched cusswords at you like rockets.?

Fine, I'll go back to the van.

Anyway, we finish the inventory, Abe puts himself back toghether and gets behind the wheel, Calky babbles some nonsense about washing your hands, and Slender rummages through the fridge we keep in the back, looking for some coffee.

You say Slenderman doesn't have a mouth. Well, he has a message for people like you: you people are slaves to THE MAN, and THE MAN wants you to think that way. We don't give a crap about THE MAN, and if he wants to drink coffee, then screw THE MAN, he will drink coffee.

Anyway, I'm sitting in the small desk that somehow fits into the already cramped backside of the van (thank Abe's necromagic for that), rereading the job request.

To all willing,

arrive at 12 o'clock tommorow to take care of non-human entity, possibly supernatural, that has cannibalized thousands of people in the area.

Thank you.

Skimpy, but not that different from the usual requests we take, since most people don't believe in the kind of stuff that we deal with on a daily basis. Since most people don't believe, it just feeds the beings who hunt them.?

Suddenly, we're there, and it's this old colonial that's practically falling apart. As soon as we pull up, this old man comes running out of the house, looking at us like we're the heralds of the Second Coming. "Oh thank god you're here," he gasps, "a-a- a monster is-"

A furry head errupts from his butt, tearing through his pants and underwear. The old man drops to the floor, and the monster turns towards us. And it's ugly, with a pure black body that's covered in skales, and a head that's made up of tentacles, with two eyes floating slightly in front of it.

Suddenly, an axe comes swinging through the air to it. It hisses and leaps away, and Abe rolls over, snatching the axe back up. I yank out my two twin pistols and open fire, but the tentacles start swinging around, knocking the bullets back.

I drop to the ground, but the bullets still hit Slender, who takes a stumble backwards, before absorbing the bullets. Calky spits some sparks, which do pretty much nothing. Abe makes another pass with his axe, but the monster knocks it from his hand, leaps up, and all of it's tentacles wrap around Abe's face.

He stumbles, then reaches up and grabs it's legs. He squeezes, putting more force on them, enough to break a hole in a tank. Finally, the tentacles detangle, and there are millions of bite marks on Abe's face. He hurls it to the floor, right as his eyes glow green.

Great. A mind reaper.

Abe looks at us, his now emerald eyes acting like flashlights, and raises his axe. Slender fires with his three AK47s, which don't cause Abe pain but knock him down.?

<TEMPORARY LAPSE OF SILENCE>

Chapter 1: Combusting DiarreahEdit

Chapter 2: You Have Just Been DoochedEdit

Chapter 3: Funhouse of DeathEdit

Chapter 4: Mucus PunchEdit

Chapter 5: The Fart SnakeEdit

Chapter 6: The Axe that Loved MeEdit

Chapter 7: The Horrible Monstrosities...Edit

Chapter 8: ... From Uranus...Edit

Chapter 9: ... That Are Robots.Edit

AND MORE COMING SOON!